Well, ” have problems” is a given. Let’s just start with that. Acknowledge it. And move on.

It appears to be, after blogging elsewhere for over 5 years and then taking a 6 months hiatus, I have decided to return to writing. Well, I use that term “writing”, loosely as I hardly call what I do writing. Venting, purging, sharing. Maybe those things. But hardly a writer am I. What will you find here in this new space of mine you ask? What makes  ”here” rather than “there” different?

By the way, did you happen to  notice how many times I have placed things in “quotations” already? Not sure what is up with that.

Anyway, let’s start with what may perhaps be the same. For sure, straight out of the gate, my posts will be filled with a crap load of grammatical errors. Just the fact that I had to google the word “grammatical” because I thought it was “grammarical”, should tell you something! I will misspell, Even with spell check. I will place far too many unnecessary commas in sentences. I will hardly ever use the proper spaces between said sentences and the list goes on and on and on.  I am nothing if not consistent. So if those things bother you, this is really not the place for you.

This blog, will more than likely, have a ton of posts having to do with raising a child with multiple disabilities. And although I have a plethora of other children, as evident from my header picture, our lives, right or wrong, center around the life of a tiny but fierce little fighter girl. It does not mean I love her any more than my other children but if you have a child that is 100% dependent on you for their survival, that child will become the axis by which your world spins. Just the truth. And that is not a bad thing. In fact, here is a quote from my other blog that tells you how I feel about her entrance into my life:

“Some luck lies in not getting
what you thought you wanted
but getting what you have,
which once you have got it
you may be smart enough to see
it is what you would have wanted
had you known….
~ Garrison Keillor

What might be different here? Well first of all, more than likely, not a whole lot of pictures and details about my other children and their families. Unless I clear it with them first. You see, part of the reason I left blogging over “there” was that people can be so freaking cruel sometimes and I just had to stop putting my family out there as easy targets for mean people. It just was not fair to those that I love the most.

I am going to try and also lighting up the mood here a bit. Let’s face it, those 5 years years kinda sucked sometimes. I could not, for the life of me, dodge the hard and heavy posts. Not an easy task as we navigated through catastrophic seizure disorders,  7 months of leukemia treatment, the loss of too many of our little buddies from cancer, the wreckage left by a stroke, the sudden death of a parent and the heartbreaking loss of a precious grandchild. No way to sugar coat that stuff. And all of that, the journey through some unimaginable times, has made me who I am today. Better in some ways. And not so much in others. Sharing of what I learned or what I am still grappling with, might be of value to others newly traveling one of those roads. Or not. Hard to say. But it has only been through all of my sorrow, that I am able to embrace the abundant joy. So I’ll try to let joy predominantly shine.

I will also try to keep it real here. As real and as transparent as I can when I am opening myself up to the masses. One thing I want to touch on is what life is like as I stand on the cusp of 50.  Yep, the big 5-0. Boy did that come quickly. I want to find humor in the absurd, and share it, for humor has been one of  only a few things that has seen me through the last 7 years. It is sometimes dark humor. Humor that only some will understand. but I have been grateful for it, as well as grateful for a family who has to remind me from time to time to laugh and loosen up a bit.

And so we come to the other two things that have sustained me through some of my darkest days, and that has been hope and faith. Those two words mean so much to me that I have them permanently inked on me. Proudly inked on me. I have a deep belief that this place here is just a stopping ground, a station until we reach where we are meant to be. And I have great hope, that one day all the questions that I have struggled with, because of all that I have seen and experienced, that one day I have hope I will have those answers. Or actually, I have hope that the answers won’t really matter anymore.

So there it is. If you want to stay, welcome. I am so glad to have you here. Feel free to introduce yourself. Ask a question. Play nice and be kind in the comment section and yeah, still learning my way around this new venue. Be patient with me. As I like to say, as with many areas of my life,  I am a continual work in progress.

Best get progressing though cuz as I said, almost 50. Yikes.