What can I possibly tell you that you couldn’t find out if you spent, oh, way to many hours reading over at the other spot I called home for 5 years.  But since no one possibly has time for that nonsense, I can  get it down in a few paragraphs for you here.

I have, what amounts to my own little tribe, in this world.   And it grows bigger by the day.  Or with each passing year for sure.  These people represent the very best of me and then 100 times more so.  I often look at each of them, well, the 6 I am personally responsible for bringing into this world and I often wonder how it is, such beauty sprang forth from me.  And how is it that I became so blessed that my girls have chosen the most incredible men to journey alongside with in this life?  I could not have hand picked more incredible husbands and fathers to my grandchildren then these two guys.  I truly could not have.

In our mix we have a neonatal intensive critical care nurse, who works in the very place that our littlest love spent the first 3 months of her life.  Is that not a beautiful full circle thing or what?  We have a paramedic that is the other half of that kickass NICCU nurse.   We have a stay at home mom, cared for and loved by  the hardest working field engineer, who is in charge of creating some incredible buildings in the LA area.  But more importantly, and their proudest accomplishment I would think they would say thus far, is being parents to a darling soon to be 5 year old, as well as being parents to a precious baby girl, all set to join us here on earth but for reasons we will not know this side of Heaven, could not stay.  We have a a dedicated special education teacher, well on her way to finishing her masters and she too has a pretty amazing guy that we hope decides to stick around.  Unless we scare him off.  Which is entirely possible.  We have two little guys or as I noticed the other day, one of them not so little anymore and about to pass me up in height anyday.  They are just busy being mini men.  Filling our life with their antics and shenanigans.  One filled with a whole bunch more shenanigans than the other.  They are smart and kind and so darn funny and they are loving. So very loving.  Oh and talented.  Their father and I are just hoping they form one of those boy band/ brother duo thingies, that can get us through our old age.  But if not, one of those other off springs will come through.  Hopefully.

Rounding out the crew is the feisty one.  Our beacon in this life.  Our greatest teacher on strength, determination, courage and forgiveness.  She arrived equipped with an extra chromosome, otherwise known as Down syndrome.  Trisomy 21 turned out to be the least of it really. Inconsequential at this point honestly.  She was born with Atrioventricular Septal defect.  A major heart defect that had her living in fight or flight mode for her first 6 months.  She suffered a stroke in-utero which has resulted in another diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy.  She was born with a rare form of leukemia and developed a catastrophic form of epilepsy at just under a year of age. which goes by the name of Infantile Spasms. And it is ugly. Trust me on that.  And because our girl likes to do things big, she was diagnosed with full blown leukemia, AML to be specific, at the tender age of 19 months of age.  She has fought her way through this life for the last nearly 7 years.  Carrying a load that has, in many moments, felt to me, to be far too unfair.  That is until I spent some time looking to the left and right of myself and saw with clarity, especially while living on a pediatric oncology floor for 7 months, that things could be worse.  There is always worse.

We are far from perfect.  We are flawed and a bit broken in places.  Some very deep and dark and tremendously sad places.  But those broken places and more specifically those sorrowful places,  have allowed us to live with more joy in our everyday moments.  We have clung to each other and to our faith and we have endured.  And it hasn’t been easy or pretty.  But we are still standing.  In spite of it all or really, should I say, because of it all.

Welcome to my Beautiful Chaos